My friend and mentor Mr. B's quick and tidy review of The Corrections by J. Franzen made me reminisce rather ruefully. I remember not so much the reading of this excellent novel but more so Franzen's collection of stories How to be Alone. In particular, I remember reading this book alone on a quiet elevated train in Chicago. It was dark out and I was wrapped deeply in a story about Franzen's return to St. Louis to prepare for the visit of the Oprah Winfrey show. I could feel myself leaning forward into the book, especially avoiding the gaze of fellow passengers--there is nothing quite as awkward or heart-thumpingly worrying as catching the eye of someone else on public transportation. Occasionally I would glance out the window only to see my reflection staring back at me with the flash and movement of purple and red neon interspersed in the darkness behind the man in the window. Franzen's worry about what example he was putting forth or what exploitation he was performing by allowing the Oprah Winfrey Show to tour his old neighborhood, talk to his old friends and family, seemed to me a problem too good to have and one to be settled easily. His exceptional novel had been named to Oprah's book club and an everest peak in book sales was sure to follow. And yet. Franzen was uneasy. In conversation Franzen's peers either commended or condemned Oprah's stamp of importance. As he ruminated over how to perform, what to do, how to act, I felt undeviatingly on his side. It was his life, his history, his neighborhood, his words. And I was enraptured with them.
It is funny that Rishi would write about The Corrections and I should think back to How to be Alone. It is funny because this:
This is what I have been into lately. And if you haven't heard of Michael Chabon, hear about him immediately because he is The Adventures of Kavalier and Clay-mazing! Mr. Chabon is perhaps the greatest living author of our time (suck it Franzen) and his prose, though awfully verbose at times, is beautiful and captivating. In this particular book, full of essays and short stories about his life as a somewhat normal white Jew, Chabon throws a lasso around the waist of the reader and slowly brings them in. In most instances, I see stories as sort of a rope that the novelist dangles in front of the reader as if to say, "here, grab this and come with me. It's gonna be fun," and sometimes it is fun and sometimes you are glad you grabbed the rope and sometimes you regret grabbing the rope and are about to let go and then the author says, "hey wait just look over here, look what I got for you just a little further," and you grab it a little tighter and sometimes the author just totally neglects the reader or the reader's sensibilities and is so caught up in his or her own crap that the reader just lets go of the rope. Well Mr. Chabon, I did not let go. And so caught up in it I was that I often found myself struggling not to hug this book because there are times when I am reading that I feel it is just me and the author, the author and myself and I am looking deep into their mind and finding all these ideas that they have been aching to share with someone and it is heartbreaking and divine and captivating and intrusive and magical. It's what makes reading fantastic, it's what makes reading human.
So go read this book and go read other books and go explore outside and have ideas of your own and invent and listen to music and make music and mess up and look at things. Because if you're not reaching out for someone else's rope and you're not dangling your own then what good is all this rope I'm selling?
Good old family fun for you and those thoughts of your loved ones you can't help but have "The Corrections" is supposed to be one of the best novels of the current century and its author, Johnathan Franzen, is supposed to be one of the best real fiction authors of the century, according to TIME magazine. With such accolades how could I go wrong with the book I'm supposed to enjoy? Well, I had gone into reading it somewhat skeptically knowing very little about the book's plot and some of the gossip surrounding its author. Franzen is widely heralded as one of the greatest living writers but with a widely heralded chip on his shoulder. When Oprah Winfrey chose this book for her book club in 2001 Franzen basically said this holds no honor for him or his work. GASP! So I went into the book only knowing the author is the kind of guy who always adjusts his glasses before speaking.
The story follows a Mid-Western family of five: A daughter, the youngest, who in life constantly finds herself expected to act like the youngest no matter what competent life-choice she makes; a son, the middle child, attempting to be the cool in the family while trying not to be his father; the eldest child, a son who thinks he has got his own life and family so much more in control but finds he is so much like his mother; the patriarch father battling getting old and chronic mental conditions; and the mother who wishes so much more from life and thinks one last Christmas in the hometown St. Jude with the whole family is a wish that is not too difficult for her family to grant. All of these members, the kids who fled to the East Coast and the parents that got stuck behind, try to make this wish happen while they find their lives lacking the corrections they promised themselves they would make.
I tried to not like the book, I really did. The book is dripping with snobbyness as Franzen writes extensively of different aspects of European and American culture, of the Midwestern railroad business, of pharmaceuticals (as though I don't know ANYTHING about Midwestern railroads, c'mon!); it reminded me a lot of Tolkien'sLord of the Rings series: books with great main stories but fattened up with massive amounts of descriptive analysis and sub-stories. Regardless, if you're in a family of any kind you're going to love the family in this book. Especially if you're in a family of three. But I'm willing to bet any person can associate their siblings or parents with one of these characters. So having said that (Oh my God, I'm just like Gary) I strongly recommend this book (Or am I like Enid?) to anybody but especially (Can I be like a female character?) to those who have pondered (Man, how can I be like the mother?) about their families and the roles they play in them. Enjoy reading you cherished disappointments
WARNING: The following blog may contain vague metaphors
I hate to compare activists and terrorists to dogs but all this barking better die down quickly or I'm calling the pound. Terrorists have caused a lot of pain and suffering in our country and there should be some sort of activism taken up in opposition to them. But some of the activism, in particular the mosque burning threats (highlighted by stiggs) and the Quran burning threats (highlighted by tauntingtuna), are just down right ridiculous. I suppose Terry Jones, the Quran burning pyro, thinks it's only fair that the ridiculous ideologies of the terrorists ought to be met with ridiculous activities here in the States but how does he not recognize this logic as max-ridiculousness? As I watch the coverage of the cancelled Quran burning event and the coverage of all the unrest in the Middle East, I can not help but feel overwhelmingly tired of it all.
I recall, some time during the last year or so of Clinton's presidency, President Clinton sat down with the leader of the Palestinians and the leader of Israel and, though both turned down all proposed solutions of dividing the Gaza strip, the meeting was considered a victory because both leaders resolved to stay open about meetings in the future. THE SAME EXACT "victory" was declared just a few days ago when Secretary of the State Hillary Clinton sat down with the current leaders of Palestine and Israel; We won't sign anything yet but hey, have your people call our people. In the meantime we're going to keep the television volume up so we can't hear the sounds of our people dying.
I think what's being largely left out of the news is how, quite possibly, many Middle Easterners feel as exhausted I do. A SNL-esque Palestinian show that satirizes their leaders is the number one show within the community; Iraq has a rapidly growing underground music scene that is continually being hunted down by the government; many Israelis are demanding for the return of the Axis of Evil comedy tour (consisting of comedians of Middle Eastern background). The people want progress, and probably are progressing, but all we see in the news are the same recycled images of crap blowing up and leaders shaking hands to no avail.
Media can not take all the blame for this but c'mon, throw us a bone every now and then. If all dogs see are images of fear and unrest then of course they're going to bark and whine. Give the dogs some security and, eventually, the whiny undisciplined runts will pipe down and leave and then finally we can all get some freakin' SLEEP.
I usually don't get very political or religious with my opinions...but I just have to say something, especially today, with recent current events. With this whole issue of burning down the new Mosque near 'Ground Zero', and 'Burn a Quran Day'...all I have to say is, why do you have to bring so much MORE hate into this world? Remember today for the innocents who died, fire fighters, police, families, and basically the entire world that were all affected by 9/11. It isn't a structure that will detonate and destroy thousands of people right? No. It's a place of worship. So let them be because last time I remembered this is America, so that first amendment kind of makes it okay to build a Mosque right? Or wait...if it's a rifle shop instead...then it would be totally cool, right?? If you want to make an impact that will mean something to the thousands of people affected by 9/11...help someone in need! Volunteer to help affected families of 9/11, families of soldiers fighting in the Iraq War, donate blood, feed a starving child, donate money to a charity, clean up a park, feed the homeless, adopt a kid, adopt a dog, volunteer at a hospital, mow your neighbor's lawn...something more useful with your time and energy instead of destroying more lives. Peace (hopefully we'll have a little more soon).
This whole mosque in NYC and Murfreesboro nonsense is really troublesome; it’s a very divisive debate that literally is testing many people’s patience regarding our nation’s liberties of free speech and worship, as well as the whole “terrorists are slowly infiltrating our nation” stuff I keep hearing about. To be frank, the whole debate is pretty damn stupid – sure, I can understand why some New Yorkers would be upset about a mosque going in near to Ground Zero, but really, is this that big of an issue that our lawmakers are debating this? Is it worth our time to debate this issue of freedom during a time where unemployment is crazy high, our Social Security is pretty much screwed, and our politicians are screwing around, getting away with crimes involving our tax dollars instead of being punished as they should be? Ron Paul made some great points about this (http://www.ronpaul.com/2010-08-20/ron-paul-sunshine-patriots-stop-your-demagogy-about-the-nyc-mosque/), but that’s not what this article is about.
Not too long ago, some people opposed to the new mosque in Murfreesboro attempted to show those “sand people” who’s boss by attempting to burn down some of the materials and equipment needed to build the new mosque in Murfreesboro. While this is sad not only because a bunch of intolerant schmoes are being dummies about the situation, the thing that drives me crazy is that they didn’t do a very good job.
"I'd be mad if they moved into my neighborhood too"
They only managed to damage some of the equipment, not all of it. They attempted to portray their message of “take yer religion and git out” by burning a couple of dump trucks and a few piles of wood. Really? This is the approach your taking to strike fear into the hearts of our enemies? Dang, we can’t even get arson right? That being said, I’d like to present a case that happened not too long ago in the sleepy Socialist country of Norway, where Black metal musicians managed to get their points across regarding arson in a successful manner. Pay attention arsonists, you might learn something.
Back around 1992-1996, when black metal was actually popular, there were over 50 arsons at churches across the country, many of the churches were considered to be historical landmarks. It was a right of passage for black metal musicians and fans to burn down a symbol of religion in order to gain street cred, much like how gang members steal their first car or pop their first cap here in the US. It all started when black metal’s favorite dum-dum, Varg Vikernes, burned down the Fantoft stave church, a major historical landmark to the country that built all the way back in the mid 12th century. Varg, the man behind major black metal band Burzum and member of legendary Mayhem, decided to leave his mark on fighting Christianity for building the church “on sacred Pagan grounds.”
"Varg was a big hit at last weekend's LARPing meet"
Now, you may be asking yourself “whaaaaaaaa?” but for those (all of you) who don’t know anything about Varg, to sum it up: he’s a man who is a racist, has a mix of pagan/Satanic/other religious beliefs (just not the Christian/Judeo ones), and he’s probably a Nazi, but he’s most known for spending almost 20 years in prison for killing a member of his band for possibly one of the following reasons (note: these are the actual, legitimate reasons):
-a power struggle between rival leaders of a satanic circle
-a conflict of the attention of some broad
-issues over a record contract
-Varg’s belief that the other guy was planning to torture and kill him and videotape the entire thing
-he ate the last batch of pot brownies without him
-he’s a real jerk
"Talk about harshing your mellow"
After killing the dude, the cops found a comically large amount of ammo and explosives at his place, and he was then quickly picked up and then spent a few decades in the clink writing his memoirs about why white people rule, as well as making some pretty mediocre ambient music while in prison. Captain Crazy managed to not only destroy a major religious landmark, but he created a trend among other black metal artists and fans that in order to gain credibility in the scene, you had to burn down a church, resulting in a massive string of successful arsons. Heck, a cover of one of his albums is the charred remains of the church; it’s bad enough that he burned it down, but he gloated about it on a moderately successful album (note: a moderately successful black metal album is the equivalent of selling about 100,000 copies worldwide, back in 1990’s standards). This was a major concern for the country – people were afraid to go to church for fear a kid in a Gorgoroth shirt would torch the place with the congregation inside at any given time. Varg succeeded in his attempt at scaring Christians for worshiping on Pagan grounds, as well as helping to grow the popularity of the music scene with a bunch of angry teenagers.
"Scary for a number of reasons"
What do crazy Norwegians have to do in regards to intolerant arsonists? Well to start, we Americans who wish to do physical and monetary damage to the invading Muslims could learn a simple fact from these corpse-painted nerds – if you want to do the most damage, both physically and emotionally, wait until the building is completely built before you torch it, then use a photo of the ruined mosque on the cover of your local country band’s next album cover. To make the biggest impact, you need to make the biggest headline, and the best way to do that is to do the most damage. If anything about this recent attempt at arson proves anything, it’s that those opposed to the mosque are not only intolerant and fearing of a Muslim uprising, it’s that they’re also very impatient.
So the next time you and your friends are thinking about burning down a mosque, wait until it’s finished first – that way you’d actually make an impact, and probably gain a few more angry 15-year-old followers to your ranks. It worked for black metal; it can sure work for you.
Who would have thought that one of Michael Bolton's hits would soon become a movie? Well...this movie has nothing to do with Michael Bolton. Just another one of my girl Drew Barrymore's hilarious chick flicks. Guys, don't even think about closing the browser window because I'm a very picky critic when it comes to this genre. Besides the fact that Drew Barrymore is in it, Jimmy Gaffigan, Charlie Day, Jason Sudeikis, Christina Applegate, Justin Long..and pretty much a whole cast of whimsical comedians make this movie a must see.
It's about a guy named Garret (Justin Long) who can't fully commit to women until he meets Erin (Drew Barrymore). They hit it off of course, but there's one catch...she's leaving in 6 weeks to finish up her last year of Grad School. They decide to date for six weeks and end it, but instead it grew into more than what was expected...so they decide to continue their San Francisco/ New York relationship via modern day technology and several economy flights. I may have a bias for this movie because I love Drew, but the story was believable because of her co-star Justin Long. Justin Long and Drew Barrymore are rumored to be a real couple outside of the lime light..but whatever is going on, it shows with their great chemistry. The story does touch on a lot of issues with technology-dependent relationships, long distance, and the modern career struggle of today's youth...but it gets just deep enough to not cross the border of a serious drama. Why? Because they spent more time writing a hilarious script. Not to say it in a bad way at all, but this is a romantic/COMEDY, so it's not going to get all "Message in a Bottle" on you. For the comedic side of the movie: I haven't laughed this hard at a movie since Wedding Crashers. I'm not going into any detail about the jokes used, but if you want hilarious, raunchy, real, and cute comedy all at once...go see this movie. (Rating: Full Price)
Suspense laced with that smooth and seductive German accent
I have a confession to make: whatever NPR does Rishi B obeys. So when I was flipping through recommended movies on Netflix and saw the German The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, I nearly creamed my pants in excitement because Fresh Air, or Dirty Air or whatever, did a special on Stieg Larsson's 2005 mystery book of the same name from which the movie is inspired. The NPR segment brought up that a Hollywood remake is in the workings so I decided to check out the 2009 German film. Now if you're not a nerdy Democrat like I imagine myself to be then you may not have listened to NPR as much as I have; it's mostly quiet except for a few snappy jazz numbers. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is also quiet but in a much more suspenseful way, maybe because it has no snappy jazz numbers.
From start to finish I felt that creepy feeling that something nuts is about to happen, I just did not know what. A journalist is convicted of a crime and is set to go to prison in 6 months. During that time he is contacted by an elderly man to discover what he can about the elderly man's niece's disappearance 40 years ago. The elderly man suspects someone, or someones, of his family whom all live in the same town in separate houses. To put himself in the environment of the situation the journalist moves into the town. The movie is about the suspenseful adventure through secrets that follows.
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is a great movie and not once should you be bothered by the subtitles. It's like The Ring but with a much better plot and not as horrifically unreal; the horrific unreality is replaced with creepy reality. And it has creepy women, including the mysterious girl with the dragon tattoo, and German people. What could POSSIBLY be scarier than creepy women and German people trying to be scary?
Although my compatriot makes a compelling argument about the political connections that lie within America's rampant disinterest in the beautiful game (i.e. what know-it-all douche-bags like to call soccer (this guy knows what I am talking about)). I believe the more appropriate reason for America's lack of what I like to call "interest" is Alexi Lalas. I mean, have you seen this guy?
I'm smug as hell and I don't care who knows it!
This is the face of American soccer. He has taken it upon himself to bring the beautiful game to every household in this pretty grand (in my opinion) country. He has taken it upon himself to forcibly shove the idea of a richer, fuller, more soccer-rif-ic life into us all. And frankly Mr. Lalas I don't want that. I mean, you seem cool and all, I liked your hair and facial menagerie and what not when you were a player, but you need to chill. Seriously chill.
Now let's clear the air waves a tidbit because it is evident to me (and most likely the two people reading this) that I do not have any direction for this piece. For all you and I know I could end it right here and that would be that--a strange, meandering essay that weakly insults two American soccer players from the 90s. Where are you going with this? That is an excellent question to ask, me. And frankly I have no idea. But can I be honest for a second? I mean really honest? I don't like John Harkes. There I said it. It kind of feels good to have that out in the open. Sometimes I will watch Thursday night soccer with the sound off. That is how much I dislike him. I won't even listen to the play-by-play, just in order to avoid the color commentary. I know. So John Harkes aside, I think the biggest problem with American soccer--and I am about to get really real here--is not being the best.
Some people may argue my point above that Asmugi Smalas is the face of American soccer. What about Landon Donovan? They'll say angrily. Or how about good ol' boy Clint Dempsey? They'll add unhelpfully. And I'll be like: first of all, I don't even know you, secondly, what have they done? Huh? Show me one thing they have done? Their team beat Spain in a friendly exhibition. Ok, that was pretty great. I was watching live and I was all like CLINT!!!!111!! But it was an exhibition. When it has come time to perform in world class competition the USA has been extremely disappointing. And as a full-blooded, dashingly handsome American it is a shock and a great embarrassment not to be the best at a sport. I mean have you seen the women's softball team? It was like they were playing against 4-year olds in the Olympics. Remember that one time the Basketball team got a bronze medal (3rd place) and everyone was like Never. Again. ? And the next year they showed up and trounced the world. That is what we are used to: trouncing other teams in almost everything. So when the US soccer team does not trounce they are easy to dismiss.
There. I think I almost made a point. Right? If I didn't, oh well I'm done. It just feels good to write again. Am I right? This guy knows what I am talking about.
Watch the MLS game of the week this Sunday night with Chivas USA taking on DC United at 10:00 Eastern Time only on ESPN2.
I fail to understand how soccer is not such a big deal in America as it is in the entire rest of the world. The common argument is that the average soccer game is too long. Well let’s look at the facts. The average baseball game is 3 hours in length; the average American football game is 2 hours and a half; and the average hockey game is also 2 hours and a half. The average futbol game is 1 hour and a half.The only favorite sport that beats soccer is basketball, maybe. Basketball is 48 minutes without time outs and overtime.
So what’s really going on?
Well I can’t help but think about a conversation I had with my dad where he expressed his bafflement with why our government is set up the way it is. The conclusion he came up with is that our government is organized to be exactly what the British Parliamentary system is not. We have our 3 branches, which is somewhat similar to the Houses in Britain in that the powers are spilt up, but everything else is different. Whereas we have strict limitations on how long our people in power can be in power (and an emphasis on "checks and balances"), they have a one party system. And the Prime Minister, and his/her party, stays in power until they fail a “vote of confidence”. My dad’s feelings are why couldn’t we have just developed a similar system? We don’t need to have Kings or Queens but why did we do away with Parliament in favor of the present electoral system, putting ourselves on a very small list of countries without a Parliamentary system?
How does this tie in with soccer? Well, I’m going to make a very broad connection. I think American politics is setup in a way that does not allow its politicians to care about America’s connection to the world because they’re too busy campaigning. America, a superpower, does away with futbol when literally every other country, at least every other superpower, in the world is obsessed with it, except Canada. Instead we push basketball and baseball, sports being played in other countries but with nothing like the fervor of futbol, simply because it’s too much effort to divert attention (and resources) away from what we’ve been paying attention to all this time.
The stats, GDP predictors and standard of living factors, predict USA losing its comparative superpower status somewhere in the 2020 to 2050 range. China and India have been, and still are, growing much more rapidly. America is, and is still, losing much face because of the arm extended in the Middle East. What I am saying is whatever we are doing is not working. I think much of the failures in the Middle East can be pinned to a lack of cultural understanding. To promote diplomacy you have got to understand every side of the argument. And to have the most fun in a bar in any country in the world you have got to wear the appropriate Club Team’s jersey. A British stranger bought me a drink in a bar simply because I wore a futbol shirt even though it was his least favorite team (It’s my favorite shirt, my Arsenal shirt).
We get by with a little help from our friends. Well our friends all talk futbol. Let’s join in.
