Spam ME?! How DARE You

Mr. Hacker; Sir Hack-a-lot; can you, like, put some effort into it?

So you P me O by replying to my email, a reply to a job-ad on Craigslist, with an email that is so obviously fake. Which company, organization, institution, cooperative, group, non-profit, for-profit, would give an applicant an online quiz to complete? So I'm already frustrated that an ad promising riches and good times is fake, but then you insult me by thinking I'm THAT gullible?! I'll have you know I am a college graduate. I know things, kay? And for you to think I'm just going to fall into this trap by clicking on your link-kuh, is downright absurd. And a link to a quiz? What is this, freaking Jeopardy? And who the holy bologna are you to mislead the growing number of unemployed people in America? You have the gall to fake spam as an opportunity for employment when mothers, fathers, college graduates are out there looking for hope; and you reply to them with an email saying, "oh yeah, let's set up an appointment but hey can I make you feel like a dildo and click on this link to do a quiz?"

Well Mr. Hacker, I just have one thing to say to you.....that woman in the ad at the left side of your website is kinda hot. Good day to you SIR, HARUMPH!

Viroids and Infections

Spam. It ruins lives, costs money and ravages digestive tracts. No, I’m not referring to canned “meat” product.

[Laughs]

Boy, I haven’t laughed that hard in a while [laughs].

Internet viroids and email infections are no laughing matter. Since the Internet’s birth, there have been at least 281 spam attacks on unsuspecting surfers. Today, “hacking” a person’s information requires little knowledge about computers and more about human behavior.

We’ve all heard the stories:

Enter Tricia, an office worker. She receives an email notifying her that she won the UK lottery. Though Tricia never entered any lottery and lives in America, she instantly imagines how she will improve her life – quitting her job, shopping at Whole Foods, traveling to South Carolina.

Tricia excitedly replies to the “UK Loterry Commission” with her bank account information, only to return home that day and find a trail of blood soaked carpet leading to her decapitated children’s heads resting in her husband’s freshly disemboweled chest cavity.

As tears stream down Tricia’s shocked face, she notices a cup on the living room table filled with blood, ice cubes and her husband’s eyeballs.

Photograph courtesy of Flickr user Kash_if

Don’t let Tricia’s terrible tragedy happen to you. Take steps to protect yourself now:

1. Meet face-to-face instead of replying to emails
2. Buy guns instead of computers
3. Read street signs and posters instead of blogs
4. Imagine your co-workers and family naked instead of watching Internet porn
5. Sign up for our spam-protecting service by commenting on this post with your bank account and routing numbers^
6. Close your eyes.

^We will use your account information to verify your identity before initiating a service fee. After all, we wouldn’t want to be spammed ourselves.