Have You Seen This Guy?

Although my compatriot makes a compelling argument about the political connections that lie within America's rampant disinterest in the beautiful game (i.e. what know-it-all douche-bags like to call soccer (this guy knows what I am talking about)).  I believe the more appropriate reason for America's lack of what I like to call "interest" is Alexi Lalas.  I mean, have you seen this guy?

I'm smug as hell and I don't care who knows it!

This is the face of American soccer.  He has taken it upon himself to bring the beautiful game to every household in this pretty grand (in my opinion) country. He has taken it upon himself to forcibly shove the idea of a richer, fuller, more soccer-rif-ic life into us all.  And frankly Mr. Lalas I don't want that.  I mean, you seem cool and all, I liked your hair and facial menagerie and what not when you were a player, but you need to chill. Seriously chill.

Now let's clear the air waves a tidbit because it is evident to me (and most likely the two people reading this) that I do not have any direction for this piece.  For all you and I know I could end it right here and that would be that--a strange, meandering essay that weakly insults two American soccer players from the 90s.  Where are you going with this?  That is an excellent question to ask, me.  And frankly I have no idea.  But can I be honest for a second?  I mean really honest?  I don't like John Harkes.  There I said it.  It kind of feels good to have that out in the open.  Sometimes I will watch Thursday night soccer with the sound off.  That is how much I dislike him.  I won't even listen to the play-by-play, just in order to avoid the color commentary. I know.  So John Harkes aside, I think the biggest problem with American soccer--and I am about to get really real here--is not being the best.

Some people may argue my point above that Asmugi Smalas is the face of American soccer.  What about Landon Donovan? They'll say angrily. Or how about good ol' boy Clint Dempsey?  They'll add unhelpfully.  And I'll be like: first of all, I don't even know you, secondly, what have they done?  Huh?  Show me one thing they have done?  Their team beat Spain in a friendly exhibition. Ok, that was pretty great. I was watching live and I was all like CLINT!!!!111!!  But it was an exhibition.  When it has come time to perform in world class competition the USA has been extremely disappointing. And as a full-blooded, dashingly handsome American it is a shock and a great embarrassment not to be the best at a sport.  I mean have you seen the women's softball team?  It was like they were playing against 4-year olds in the Olympics. Remember that one time the Basketball team got a bronze medal (3rd place) and everyone was like Never. Again. ? And the next year they showed up and trounced the world.  That is what we are used to: trouncing other teams in almost everything.  So when the US soccer team does not trounce they are easy to dismiss.

There.  I think I almost made a point.  Right?  If I didn't, oh well I'm done.  It just feels good to write again.  Am I right? This guy knows what I am talking about.

Watch the MLS game of the week this Sunday night with Chivas USA taking on DC United at 10:00 Eastern Time only on ESPN2.

America Should Play Soccer Because Everybody Else Does

I fail to understand how soccer is not such a big deal in America as it is in the entire rest of the world. The common argument is that the average soccer game is too long. Well let’s look at the facts. The average baseball game is 3 hours in length; the average American football game is 2 hours and a half; and the average hockey game is also 2 hours and a half. The average futbol game is 1 hour and a half. The only favorite sport that beats soccer is basketball, maybe. Basketball is 48 minutes without time outs and overtime.

So what’s really going on?

Well I can’t help but think about a conversation I had with my dad where he expressed his bafflement with why our government is set up the way it is. The conclusion he came up with is that our government is organized to be exactly what the British Parliamentary system is not. We have our 3 branches, which is somewhat similar to the Houses in Britain in that the powers are spilt up, but everything else is different. Whereas we have strict limitations on how long our people in power can be in power (and an emphasis on "checks and balances"), they have a one party system. And the Prime Minister, and his/her party, stays in power until they fail a “vote of confidence”. My dad’s feelings are why couldn’t we have just developed a similar system? We don’t need to have Kings or Queens but why did we do away with Parliament in favor of the present electoral system, putting ourselves on a very small list of countries without a Parliamentary system?

How does this tie in with soccer? Well, I’m going to make a very broad connection. I think American politics is setup in a way that does not allow its politicians to care about America’s connection to the world because they’re too busy campaigning. America, a superpower, does away with futbol when literally every other country, at least every other superpower, in the world is obsessed with it, except Canada. Instead we push basketball and baseball, sports being played in other countries but with nothing like the fervor of futbol, simply because it’s too much effort to divert attention (and resources) away from what we’ve been paying attention to all this time.

The stats, GDP predictors and standard of living factors, predict USA losing its comparative superpower status somewhere in the 2020 to 2050 range. China and India have been, and still are, growing much more rapidly. America is, and is still, losing much face because of the arm extended in the Middle East. What I am saying is whatever we are doing is not working. I think much of the failures in the Middle East can be pinned to a lack of cultural understanding. To promote diplomacy you have got to understand every side of the argument. And to have the most fun in a bar in any country in the world you have got to wear the appropriate Club Team’s jersey. A British stranger bought me a drink in a bar simply because I wore a futbol shirt even though it was his least favorite team (It’s my favorite shirt, my Arsenal shirt).

We get by with a little help from our friends. Well our friends all talk futbol. Let’s join in.